When the prophet Timothy Snodgrass spoke to me at brunch on Sunday, July 27, 2014, he said something to my family in his childlike demeanor, “The whirlwind is touching down today.” Thirty minutes later I walked to the parking lot of the restaurant and I was symbolically hit by a gust of wind, when a paper was handed to me that metaphorically knocked me off my feet and fulfilled a 19-year-old promise God had made to me.
When God does an action that is so wonderful it instantly launches my mind into intelligent action, at least that is what I think it does. In reality it is just my mind on a self-indulgent ego journey. This is my quandary. God’s simple actions are so wonderful that they set off a type of nuclear fission of mental reaction in a highly educated person’s mind. No wonder a fool, “though he be a wayfaring man, shall not error there in.” The amazing thing that has truly stunned me is that the whirlwind has continued, and increased in velocity every day for the last two weeks.
I must be honest that all this has not overwhelmed me, but has made me laugh like a little kid. I think the reason for this is that the Lord told me years ago, when I was praying in the prayer room at Treasure Island in San Francisco, that His river was made for me, just my size. At that time I was afraid I could not navigate God’s majestic plan for my life. This was when I begin to discover what a gentlemen God actually is ~ so kind, so considerate and forgiving.
I must confess to you that my quandary is the struggle of how my intellectually reasoning mind must shut down, quit calculating, and let the Holy Spirit do the planning, protecting, and crossing every “t” and dotting every “i”. Every day I find myself crying to the Lord for the strength to shut my mind down, and just think like a little child so I can follow each day His perfect will. What a war I am having with myself, and the battleground is my mind!
When I began pastoring this church I promised you, my congregation, I would be honest about things that happened in the background of leadership. Well, this is it, this is the truth, this is my struggle. Wait a minute! Don’t you dare feel sorry for me. As long as I turn my intellectual reasoning off, I’m like a little six-year-old at his first day in Disneyland. This could be why the apostle Paul said his struggle was to, “Serve the Lord with all humility of mind.” And what a struggle it is…